Also at my website.

I just got a nice chunk of submissions to various and sundry contests and anthologies. With a second to breath, I thought I'd share with you a heck of a conversation I had.

I love the internet and its potential for spontaneous discussion and random pseudo-interviews. Here's the set up. Earlier in the day I had this conversation I had read THIS agents blog. A quote in it stuck with me.

"The type of writing a query requires is so far removed from the kind of writing a fiction writer does that, to me, it’s the equivalent of a dancer going to audition for the role of The Sugar Plum Fairy, and being made to stand perfectly still and DESCRIBE her movements, rather than simply being allowed to dance. Unless that dancer, then, is also a singer and has a way with words, that dancer may the most incredible Sugar Plum Fairy that troop will ever see, but the dance company will never know this." - Sandra Kring

So, I put it up in my G-Chat message. (That's THIS thing if you don't know.)

A few minutes after I posted the thought for all the internet to read I got a message from my friend The Man From Free Planet X.

Jared said to me: "Do you believe that? The ballerina metaphor, I mean?"

A answered: "I know queries make me want to cry." and then "The idea of using 200 words to prove to a stranger that my 89,000 words are good enough is jarring."

"Look at it this way," Jared said. "In a bookstore, you have only, what? A 7 word sentence to do the same thing? 200 words is a luxury."

I didn't find that much comfort, and told Jared that. He laid it back out for me like this: "It's like brick-laying. As a bricklayer, you're going to have to learn how to smooth out the mortar after to you place the bricks. Does this, matter, really? Does this make the wall any less stable? Or more? Not really. But it's a skill you need to have in order to get more people to hire you bricklay."

A little bit later in internet time, he came back with: "Which is why I feel like the ballerina metaphor misses the point It might be better if, before the ballerina auditioned, the director said "Wait. Let's see if you fit in the costume first."

That resonated a great deal and I'm really rather grateful for his opinion on the matter. Thanks Jared.

(Oh, and about five minutes later, Jared said, "That said query letters are horrible.")

ZOMG!

I have been published in my first print mag!

You can pick up your copy over at Mouth Full of Bullets.

Thank you, Mr. Borg for including my Jack Doe short story "The Baked Bank Job."

....Must... Resist... Urge... To Write.... FanFiction... Coupling... Solid Snake and.... Samus!!!

That is all, go on about your business like this never happened.

This is also up on my writing blog at my website.

If you know me in person, you've heard me say before that I enjoy the maxim by Raymond Chandler.

“When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.”

Anyway, I'd love to hear your opinions.

So, I was exploring the world of mental-unhealth as made possible to me by the WORLD OF THE INTERNETS! and I came across this little piece of nuts.

Of course the Scienctologists don't want you to see this!

What it is, in a nutshell (heh), is Tom Cruise talking about being a Scientologist and how great it is! I think it's supposedly some kind of indoctrination video. I DARE you to diagram a single sentence he says. Double Dog Dare you.

So, Tom Cruise is in a cult, that's not really my point. I'm not going to lie to you, I find Tom Cruise to be very very attractive. I don't know why, but I'm not alone as there are several million (and men) who's panties get wet when he makes out with Brad Pitt (there goes another pair!)  I'm not going to lie to say that I would, given half the chance, ride his tiny little body raw and send him away wet --cash on dresser, gotta pay him fast to make sure he doesn't do something gross like.. say... try to talk to me.

So, my husband shows me this indoctrination video with Tom rambling like a lunatic. Honestly, I didn't hear a word he said half the time. Why? Because while he was spewing crazy about SPs and self KPTs and BDS or what ever, I was just staring at his pretty mouth and thinking about the things I'd do to his face if I could.

Is this what it's like to be a 'typical man' when a girl is telling a long pointless story? Am I, in fact, a female pig? 'Cause if I am, that's awesome!

(P.S. I shared this thought with my husband, he laughed. He said something afterwards, but I don't remember what, I was thinking about his butt.)

Mmm.. The Huzbun got my laptop up and running again, so today I could do more market research. I love that crap. Duotrope, you is my favorite.

I came across an neat looking fledgling market I thought I'd share.

Big Pulp

I mention it since it might be of interest to a number of my friends out there.

zephrin, my other writer friends out there, they pay up to 25$ for fiction.

blackwell, szeret21, they're looking for photography. I couldn't find the pay rate, but I'm sure they pay.

planetx, they're looking for comics!

So, here, I'm making more competition for myself! Submit 'em if you got 'em!!

...Okay, so I'm not really famous yet, but my short story "Mars Ain't No Place for Ladies" did get blogged about here.

That's a step in the right direction, I imagine.

Plus, the 'zine that it was published on was nominated for the Predators and Editors Reader's Choice Award for 2007, from the editor. If haven't yet voted with P&E for your favorite 'Zine, you should go vote for Spacewesterns.com. Seriously. Nathan Lilly is a good guy and the 'zine is something fun!

Click me! Click me!!!

I think the editor, Nathan Lilly, did the art there for me. It's really beautiful and I didn't even know he was doing it.

So, in case you didn't catch my husband's almost brutal show of support, my short story "Mars' Ain't No Place for Ladies" will be up at Space Westerns next Sunday.

While you're there checking it out, you might notice zephrin short story is the latest update available. Glad I could point you to a paying gig, and congrats!!

In other news, I got another short story accepted by the nice gentleman over at Mouth Full of Bullets . They are full up till Spring of 2009, but still not a bad place to throw a submission. I heard back the same day I submitted, which I'm pretty sure was record time and a fluke.

I wanted to thank blackwell, your advice about contracts was spot on, and I know I'll be getting paid as a result.

Also, Tina will be a year old on the 9th of next month. I have no idea what to do about that, I mean, aside from celebrate like it's 1999.

I'm having a little success, and with each bit of good news, I'm praying for all the people I know, I'm wishing that what ever good is resting on my shoulders and giving me these little bits of accomplishment can be shared with everyone I know and care about. The fact is, for good or bad, I know that who I am today is a result of who I have known and do know. I know that everything I do is a manifestation of the experince I have had, and so therefore, the interactions with people I have had the joy (however dubious) to know.

So, everyone out there in interweb world, whether I talk to you every day, or haven't said a word in years, thank you. Thank you for brushing my life and if only I could literally share what ever success I have with you.

So, the first real hard edits of THE BEAST are done. I'm handing it around for some polish opinions while I dust up my query letter writing skizills and hunting for agents who won't hate me too much.


Is it silly to take pictures of a manuscript? Yes, but I did it anyway. Ha ha ha.

I can get back to life as somewhat usual. More later!

Also, Mae is a wonderful doll, and thanks to her beautiful review I've sold at least one extra copy of my book. Everyone send her love and cookies and of course market listings for her to submit stories to.

Again, more later.

first. right off the bat i want to warn you that this is a story of me being verbally accosted in a public place. this sort of thing doesn't actually happen every day but it does happen more frequently than i'd like. and in each and every case the person who berates me is fat. i don't know why this is. do fat people inherently feel the need to point out my shortcomings? do they just hate me? i don't know. so the warning is there for you, read no further if you may be offended by my calling someone fat.

like each and every occurrence in my life it starts with - i was minding my own. and i was. i go to considerable pains to avoid shopping at our local jumbo supermarket chains. i've always had a preference for trader joe's or the occasional indie shop but a couple years back workers at the big chains went on strike. i opted to not cross their picket lines and i've never been back.

well, almost never. on an ugly, santa ana wind infested sunday afternoon i was tired and needed a couple items and the jumbo was so easy and on the way home, i bit the bullet and went in. i managed the find the items i was looking for without much trouble and got into line. there were two shoppers ahead of me, both with items on the conveyer belt and shortly after arriving, someone was behind me in line. i walked forward when there was room and began to place my items on the conveyor when the woman behind me said something so i turned around and drank in her enormitude and knew it was going downhill from there.

she: "you're doing it wrong"

me: "what?"

she: "that"

i looked where she pointed, in the general direction of my groin, and looked back in what must have appeared as simian incomprehensive (or maybe that puppy thing with the turned head).

she: "you can't do it like that. the cart has to be in front of you"

sure enough, i was in fact standing in front of my cart, reaching to my left (as i faced the register) to pick my items up.

she: "i can't put my stuff up there with your cart in the way"

here is where i should have left well enough alone. i know that now, ok? so no need to point it out. instead, i said something like..

me: "irrespective of where i'm standing in relation to the cart we (the cart and i) occupy the same amount of space" i did NOT add "which is roughly half of the space you occupy on your own".. see? i DO self-censor.

she: "no. that's wrong"

now i have a feeling this last comment was calculated to get me to do what she wanted. and it did. to demonstrate i switched places with the cart and yep, same amount of space. undeterred she reached across me, practically bent over at the waist to show that NOW she could reach the belt. she went on to explain that i "need to learn the rules" and "do it right." i asked her simply "please stop talking to me" and with one more "gladly!", she did.

this is at least the third time i've been yelled at by other customers in big chain stores by fat people. so now it's my stock reply when asked why i don't visit wal-mart, k-mart, ralphs, or costco. "the fat people there HATE me!"

So, some times I'm a fangirl, and right now, I'm a fangirl to an old british guy who makes fun of fantasy.

So when I came across one of  the radio drama communities I belong to saying this:

"And so, ARTC begins its second year of bringing you the archives of our live performances via podcast. For our fifty-third episode we have something really special in mind. Presented with permission from the author: our radio adaptation of Terry Pratchett's "Guards! Guards!" With special guest voice, John Rhys-Davies. This will be presented in three installments.

'Nuff said."

Well, as my husband would say, I about shit my pants!
Josie, Kay, I'm looking at you two specifically. Here. Go here.oldtimeradio

I haven't listened to it yet... I wonder if David will take the baby out so I can sit and listen and laugh without being to embearessed. (David doesn't really get humor that doesn't involve ovens or hitting people with things...)

I think I'm going to go lay down and weep for joy. For real.

fast is as fast does. little amber neben outta orange county california wrapped up the tour de france de femenin (that's the chick's tour and here's the standings in pdf). it's well deserved and well fought. when she's not in france crushing the french, she also enjoys emasculating folks back home. seems like only yesterday when i used to think i was fast and as such showed up on saturday mornings up at crystal lake for some climbing action. one day in particular i found myself with lil tim jones and amber off the front, well away from the rest of the group.. climbing ... climbing.. thinking to myself that we were the elite.the badasses. about 3/4 of the way up the 9 mile(ish) climb coach dave pulled up next to us in his suv and looked everyone over. you guys alright? tim and i: "hells yes." how bout you amber? feeling ok?

yes.

then go.

and she went. i think i stood out of the saddle for about 3 revolutions before i realized how utterly futile it was. we were fast. she was a LOT faster. she was kind enough to wait for us at the top to descend together.

now the french know.

apparently for real

as GOS and i drove past orange county's newest shopping destination last night we witnessed the following: a maintenance man of some sort hosing off the (functioning) water fountain. can't be too clean or to conspicuous in the land of orange.

I hate ending stories. Short stories, novels, it doesn't matter. I hate ending stories and I think that's mostly because I -know- my endings are never as strong as my beginnings, and I hate that about my writing.

So I heard something neat about problems with your writing. Find writers who do it better, and then read them until you figure out what you're doing wrong and what they're doing right.

What's your favorite author in terms of endings? Books? Who writes killer awesome super cool endings that are so perfect you read the book again and again for the ending?! At this point, genre and style don't matter. The more varied the better, really.

My piece, "Mar's Ain't No Place for Ladies" is in talks with the editor of this site.  The editor seems like a great guy, and he seemed to like it, so I'm excited.

I would actually recommend you take a look at the site for some quick fun reads. I've only read a few stories, and they were just that- fun.

David told me he'd buy me a laptop when I got my first story published in a paying market. Of course, just because the editor told me he'd publish the story is not the same thing as actually being published, so I guess I shouldn't put my cart before my wagon.

Still... I can already picture me sitting on my lawn with my lap top while Tina plays in the yard and eats bugs.... It's a lovely picture really.

So if you know a good place to get a cheap laptop, let me know!